Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Freaking Myself Out

Over the past week or so, the unpleasant symptoms of the first trimester have slowly begun to diminish. I haven't been feeling so nauseous at night, I'm starting to sleep a little better (knock on wood), and I've even found the energy to massively scrub my kitchen. I'm feeling pretty good...in fact, I've almost convinced myself that I'm feeling too good...

It almost feels like I'm not pregnant at all...and that is totally freaking me out. I know that it's too early to start feeling quickening (or, the first feelings of the baby moving that can't be felt outside of my belly yet), and I'm sure that everything is fine. My belly grows a little each week, I'm still craving dairy like crazy, I'm still overly emotional and still having nights where I don't sleep...but I haven't had a doctors appointment in four weeks, and don't have one for another two, so I don't have the comfort of hearing my baby's heartbeat or seeing my little punkin on an ultrasound until then. I don't have confirmation that everything really is fine, even though in my heart I know it is, and somehow these worrisome thoughts keep entering my head that because I'm starting to feel good, something might be wrong.

I know, I probably sound crazy and should be grateful that I'm starting to feel better...and trust me, I am grateful...but I'm finding that not being able to feel, hear or see my baby is making me nervous. I guess I'm getting a little taste of what my parents went through when I was a cell phone-less teenager breaking curfew!

2 comments:

  1. awwww....everything is fine...idk if you know but they do have dopplers you can buy to listen to the hb in between appts. that is one thing I always worried about too before I could feel her moving.

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  2. A lot of the whole mommy thing is allowing ourselves to get out of our head, stop our rational thinking and reconnected with the incredibly intelligent machine known as our body and the wisdom of our instincts. The absence of "symptoms" is a very short period of time...and in about 4 months you will re-read this post and wish you could go back in time and tell your today self to "kick back, smile, and relax!" Use this time to talk to your little punkin...tell this little person every amazing thing you hope to share with him/her and what your hopes are for the rest of your time sharing a body! Soon, s/he will reward your little talks with fluttery responses...something that no other human will ever share with you. These times will set the tone for the way you communicate with your child for the rest of your life. Practice being vulnerable and honest with your little one...after all, you cannot hide anything you feel or think from this person, you are the WHOLE universe to this little person your laughter rocks the entire universe, and your tears make earthquakes that s/he will need to be hugged and loved through!

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