Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Yes, There Is Only One In There. Thanks.

Going right along with the fact that pregos do not appreciate fat jokes (as discussed in this post a few weeks ago), today I'm discussing the fact that we also don't appreciate the comments on how huge or tiny people think we look...that aren't meant to be jokes.

Let me start by saying this: it's not really a compliment to any pregnant woman when you tell her she looks big for how far along she is...or that she looks tiny. Telling her she looks big is like saying "holy cow you giant prego monster!" and telling her she looks too tiny is like saying "is your baby really ok in that teeny bump? It looks too small". First off comments like that can make any woman worry "do I really look that bad?", "have I gained too much or to little?" and even " my baby really ok in there?" Second off, do you really think that makes her feel good??? Not so much.

Now, do you want to be the culprit of an innocent pregnant woman's worry? I didn't think so.

This past week has been a particularly no-holds-bar week when it comes to what people say to me. No less than twice I've been asked if I was sure there was only one baby in my belly. No less than twice I've been told how a woman didn't pop until she was as pregnant as me, and looked about as big as I did when she delivered. And I've heard multiple versions of the phrase "you're huge!". It's not really a great confidence booster. And it's led me to the need to write about it.

If you've never been pregnant before (and even if you have and need a reminder), please learn this: every woman's body is different. Every woman shows at a different time and carries differently...but no woman appreciates unwarranted comments about her changing body, whether they were meant to be funny or genuine. For myself I can say that I happened to start showing fairly early on in my pregnancy. Not that it's anyone's business, but I had lost some weight prior to becoming pregnant, and according to my doctor it's normal for a woman who loses weight and then gets pregnant immediately to "pop" early. And I've only continued to grow since then. I can also say that I was quite bloated, as many women can be, up until almost 20 weeks...which means my bump appeared to be more swollen and protruded than it actually was. And now that I'm 24 weeks, my baby is right on schedule with what he or she should be weighing (according to the ultrasound) and I am too. So yes, there is only one in there!

Funnily enough, the women who discussed their tiny-ness with me were at least 4 inches taller than me. Let me tell you how much of a difference that makes in carrying a child. They had a good amount more torso than I do to carry that child, so naturally they're going to carry smaller than me. And the people who called me huge were either men, or clearly clueless women. So I guess I have to chuckle at the stupidity of it all. But still, words hurt and make you feel bad regardless.

So please, dear people of the world, be kind to pregnant women. Don't tell us how huge or how tiny we look. It doesn't make us feel good either way. Why not try the phrase "you look wonderful" instead?


  1. I hated this...I got this ALL the time...

  2. AMEN! I get both all the time, and since I'm getting extra u/s for growth concerns, those "too small" comments pretty much send me into tears, even though I know they're meant as compliments from my friends!