Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Surreal

As it gets closer and closer to the arrival of my little one, I'm finding myself often in a surreal state of mind about this whole thing. It still doesn't seem quite real to me that at any point within the next few months, I'll be holding a tiny little baby in my arms...and that the little peanut I'll be holding is mine.

It's funny because rationally I know it's coming. I'm obviously fully aware of the baby inside of me...and I'm obviously preparing for his or her arrival. I feel every move...every jab, kick, roll and stretch....and I pretty much watch them all at this point too. My apartment has gone from the home of two newly-weds to the home of two soon-to-be parents: we've moved from china patterns to bottle racks, and cook books to baby books. And I'm certainly feeling every physical and emotional strain that pregnancy takes on a woman...I'm tired, getting big, and starting to get achy and painy in ways I've never felt before (hello, sciatic nerve pain).

So yes, rationally I'm aware that I'm having a baby....but really, it still seems a bit unreal to me.

As a teenager I was a bit nerdy. Boyfriends weren't necessarily my forte...they never seemed to last long and I was always the one being dumped. As a result, at 17, I had fully convinced myself that I was going to be the girl that was single forever but who desperately didn't want to be. Yep, I said it. I was 17 when I convinced myself of that fact. Sad, I know....And then along came Derek, strolling into my senior Sociology class. It was all over at that point. When I was 18 we had our first date, when I was 21 we got engaged and when I was 23 we were married. I have proven my 17 year old self wrong.

However part of having convinced myself that I'd be alone forever was the fact that babies weren't going to happen either. Funnily enough I have always known that I was meant to be a mommy. Being raised Catholic we were always told that God has a plan for us...and somewhere deep inside I always knew His plan for me was to raise a family....I just didn't believe Him right away....

And now here I am, at 24, having a baby. And at almost eight months along, it's still just so surreal....

But in a very beautiful way.

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