Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Admittance

I've been dreading this post for a few weeks now. I've been denying the fact that it happened, I've been wallowing in my own disappointment and a bit of embarrassment, not wanting to admit it.

I can't breastfeed anymore. My milk supply, despite efforts of diet change, supplement taking and even one-on-one help from lactation consultants a-go go, diminished.

It's a heartbreaking fact for me. Having wanted to stick it out for 6-12 months, at the least, it's a disappointing occurrence. And I hate to admit it, because it makes me feel and sound like a failure. The LCs speculate that it was a combination of Conner having a very difficult time latching without an aid because of his high arch, and the fact that I had been given the "mini pill" which, while doesn't usually affect milk supply, certainly can...and apparently did with me.

I hate that I can't spend those moments bonding with my son in a way that, truly, can only be done mother and baby-style. And I feel guilty that I can't provide for him in that way anymore. Yet another lesson learned in this school of mommyhood....but at sad and disappointing one at that.

I'm still a huge promoter of breastfeeding, if you can though. It's the healthiest, most natural thing you can do for your child and it's wonderful. I still encourage all new mommas out there to nurse as long as you can, and to truly embrace and enjoy it. It's so very special.

I hope that no one reads this and looks at me as a disappointment. I hope that you understand it took quite a bit of courage for me to write this post, admitting that my body failed me, and in turn failed my son. I hope that you can read this and understand that I am proud of the almost 4 months of exclusive nursing I was able to do with Conner. And I hope this post is a reminder to cherish the things that mean some thing special to you and your baby.

And remember that breastfeeding is wonderful no matter how long you do it for!

2 comments:

  1. Val, you are absolutely NOT a failure. Are you still providing your child with food and care and love? Then you HAVE NOT FAILED. People have to make adjustments depending on what they can do and on what their body is willing to let them do. As long as you keep finding a way to do what needs to be done, however you do it, you're not a failure.

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  2. Try having your milk never come in at all!! So disappointing...but if there is one thing that I learned, it was not to be hard on myself! It's not my fault that my milk never came in, it's just the way God wanted it. And I'm not ashamed to say I formula-feed my baby. As long as I'm not starving her it shouldn't matter where her nutrition is coming from! You are NOT a failure! You got to breastfeed for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS. That is an amazing gift to your son!

    Keep your head up girl! You should be proud of yourself!

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