Sigh. I realize I have been a crumby blogger lately. But in my defense, I've spent the summer making the rounds with family and learning my way around this "single mom with a husband who is my kid's father" business, as we're getting ready for a bit of a long separation courtesy of Uncle Sam.
And I can tell you...this learning process has been a bit...overwhelming.
Having my family 3,000 miles away means that everything falls on me. I don't have the typical village to help raise my son. I have myself, my husband (when Uncle Sam isn't borrowing him) and my small group of close knit friends who all happen to be in the exact same situation (for which I am grateful, because going this completely alone would suck! They are my rocks). If I want a break, I pay a babysitter (if there's even one available) to come watch Conner for a hefty $10 an hour just so that I can go get a hair cut or have a quiet cup of coffee. And so those breaks aren't happening. I've become of the mindset that I am perfectly capable of doing it all sans hair cut or quiet cup of coffee, and all while maintaining a clean home and being the perfectly, stunningly, gorgeous wife and mother that I am.
And so that's what I do.
Instead of that hair cut or that few hours of a break, the dishes get washed, the laundry done, the toilets scrubbed and the kitchen swept. And then I'm mommy again. Feeding, diapering, playing, boo boo kissing, hugging, story reading, bathing, snuggling, teaching...loving for 2. When it's all said and done, I'm cleaning up again at the end of the day and finding solace in a cup of decaf coffee and a Friends episode on TV before I'm pooped and it's time for bed. When I play "single super wife and mommy" my normal nightly routine of watching my men play and love each other, and then relaxing with Derek after Conner goes to bed turns into me needing to exhaust myself with productivity so that I'm not consumed with thoughts of how I miss my husband terribly, how I hope Conner sleeps peacefully...and how I miss my family in Pennsylvania.
It's been tough, and I know that our upcoming time apart is going to be just as challenging, if not more so. And I know that I'll get through it. I always do. That's never an issue for me. I just push through and barrel over my obstacles in life and look for the ribbon at the end of the race. But this process of figuring my way around it all has been interesting, especially having C Man in my life now. It's complicated things in a way that I never expected. It's made the goodbyes harder, the times alone...different. And in the same sense he's brought joy in these "gray times", as I refer to them, that I never could have imagined.
And so my friends, my blogging has fallen to the wayside as I've tried to maneuver my way around this life of being an Army wife...and a mommy. So forgive me. But know that I will happily find the time to write more often, as this is a nice release for me...and hopefully a good read for you.
Kiss your babies, love your significant other, thank your families and the villages who help you along...and indulge in a quiet cup of coffee (or whatever you sip).